Funnies

Understanding Unemployment

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right, 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. [Except according to John Williams, it's about 22%]

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...

COSTELLO: Wait a minute. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: If you are out of work, you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are out of work!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To who?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are all out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work... Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment rolls, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an economist.

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!

And now you know why the government's unemployment figures are improving!

Magic Numbers

Speaking of suspect numbers, I have no idea how these things work, but they do. Cut and paste the URL in your browser window and follow the instructions. I guarantee (most of) you will be flummoxed.

A Newfie had two red ears and so went to the doctor. The doctor asked the Newfie, "What happened to the ears?"

"Well, I was ironing me shirt and the phone rang... and instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up me iron and stuck it to me ear."

"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But that doesn't explain the other red ear. What happened to your other ear?"

"The son-of-a-bitch called back."

The Golfing Nun

A nun walked into Mother Superior's office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green - and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight!"

"Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted the Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother.

"But I didn't, Mother!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the goddamn putt, didn't you?"

And, Finally, a Wee Bit of Election Humor

A conservative Republican, a moderate Republican and a liberal Republican walked into a bar - the bartender raised his hand and said, "Hello, Mitt."

Movie Review, Atlas Shrugged

I'm running late, but I did want to mention that earlier this week my wife and I finally got around to watching Atlas Shrugged, the movie adaption of Ayn Rand's best-selling novel.

I approached the movie with some trepidation, seeing how it has been soundly criticized by pretty much everybody. And once it began, I understood why, starting with the "Television Movie of the Week" production qualities and continuing with poor scripting delivered by decidedly B-caliber actors.

That said, the story itself kept us watching and despite a fair bit of eye rolling, by the end of it we didn't consider it a complete waste of time.

Of course, the shame of it is that this should have been a BIG movie - or even a television special event rather than the low-budget hack job that it is. Ironically, much of the fault for this being the case rests with Ayn Rand herself. That's because she demanded the rights to sign off on the final cut - something that no director and no studio would ever allow (for the simple reason that they could spend hundreds of millions of dollars, only to have the author squash the movie out of artistic differences). Once Rand died, her heir stubbornly followed suit, dragging the process out for years until sheer gravity saw the movie made, albeit as the weak-soup production we watched.

I know something about the subject, because at one point I was quite close with Ayn's intellectual heir, having met him along with her while hosting them at the New Orleans Investment Conference. At one point following the conference, due to connections I had in the movie industry at the time, I tried to broker a deal with a powerful and sound-minded producer who was very interested in making the movie, but because of the issue over the final cut, the discussions ran into a dead end.

Coincidentally, earlier this week Doug Casey debated Yaron Brook, head of the Ayn Rand Institute. Their debate is definitely worth a listen, which .

And with that, dear reader, I must rush off to other engagements. I hope you have a wonderful weekend, unmarred by sudden solar flares!

Until next week, thanks for reading and for subscribing to a (paid?) Casey Research service!

David Galland
Managing Director