High Quality Hits for You

Are you a professional baseball player whose statistics are not where you’d like them to be? Having trouble keeping up your contract requirements? Unable to successfully stave off forced retirement? High Quality Hits for You might just have the answers you need. That’s right; the hits that you’re having trouble coming by you can get from us. High Quality Hits for You offers high quality hits at affordable prices. Singles, doubles, triples, even home runs. Any type of hits you desire, we have a plan for you.

Just take a look at Daryl Jackson, struggling left fielder for the Toronto Blue Jays. After three week of an enduring slump, he came to us. He was 0-28 at that time, but the next day in the newspaper: 3-4 with a double and two triples. Let’s hear what Daryl has to say:

“I was amazed with how quickly High Quality Hits for You was able to help me out of my slump and deliver high quality hits to go into my record.”

That’s right, and a High Quality Hits for You program can do the same thing for your record. Let’s talk to another satisfied customer, Jack Mason:

“Hi, I’m Jack Mason. I used to start at third base for the Pittsburgh Pirates. I’ve been sitting the bench for two months, so imagine how pleased I was to open the newspaper and see that I had hit four home runs in a single game. My family and friends and my agent were impressed.”

That’s right, with High Quality Hits for You’s premier service, you need never even pick up a baseball bat or put on your spikes again, and high quality hits will be delivered via AP wire to every sports page in the country, to Google Sports, to Yahoo, to MLB.com even to the kingworldnews.com sports page. Your friends and family, even people high up in your professional organization will be amazed at your sudden improvement. And the best thing about High Quality Hits for You is that you can achieve these results without ever stepping onto a baseball diamond again.

Too good to be true? That’s what many of our early clients thought also, until they became believers.

The numbers don’t lie, and if some dissenter ever tries to disparage your record or cast doubt on your achievements, just pull out the newspaper and point to the box scores. Click on Yahoo Sports. It’s all right there in black and white.

Be realistic! How many people really go out to the ball game anymore compared to the number of people who follow it on the internet? Those are the numbers that really matter, and if some diehard baseball bug does show up to a gathering you’re at and points out that you haven’t been on the field with the team for six weeks, so there’s no way you could be batting .576, you can just laugh and show him the numbers as your host toasts and congratulates you. It’s human nature. People like to associate with a winner, whether he’s really won anything or not. Your fans want to believe in you, so don’t disappoint them.

High Quality Hits for You offers services to other professional athletes as well, including, goals, touchdowns, field goals, three pointers, rebounds and assists. For central bankers we have a very popular, “Gold Bars for Vaults” Program. Are you a central banker who has lent out all your gold? No problem. Tomorrow in the paper, read about how everything is right back in your vaults where it belongs. Are you a government statistician looking to improve unemployment numbers? We have a plan for you. Are you a Federal Reserve Board member looking to increase the strength of the U.S. dollar? We’ve got a plan for you too! Remember, at High Quality Hits for You: The only person dumber than you are, is everybody else.