REMEMBER - THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST
LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT...

Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:


1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says
"Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your
kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The
other
says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But
why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, " I can't
stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that
she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up
a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was
unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the
rival
florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in
town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their
store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they
did so,--- thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.