AVIATION DEFINITIONS

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Aileron - A hinged control surface on the wing that scares the hell out of airline passengers when it moves.

Airplane - The infernal machine invented by two bicycle mechanics from Dayton, Ohio and perfected on the sands of the Outer Banks of Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Precursor of the Frisbee.

Airspeed1.The speed of an airplane through the air.
2. True airspeed plus 20% when talking with other pilots.
3. Deduct 25% when listening to a Navy aviator.

Alternate Airport - The airport that no aircraft has sufficient fuel to proceed to if necessary.

Chart 1. Large piece of paper, useful for protecting cockpit surfaces from food and beverage stains.
2. An aeronautical map that provides interesting patterns for the manufacturers of children's curtains.

Cockpit -

Area in which the pilot sits while attempting to figure out where he is especially when they can't find the airport in a rainstorm..

Collision - Unplanned contact between one aircraft and another.As arule, collisions that result in the creation of several smaller and less airworthy aircraft from the original two are thought to be the most serious.

De-icer - De person dat puts de ice on de wing.

Dive - Pilots' lounge or airport cafe.

Engine Failure - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks become filled with air.

Exceptional Flying Ability - Has equal number of takeoffs and landings.

Fast - Describes the speed of any high-performance aircraft. Lower-performance and training aircraft are described as "half-fast."

Final Approach 1. Many a seasoned pilot's last landing.
2. Many a student pilot's first landing.

Firewall - Section of the aircraft specially designed to let heat and smoke enter the cockpit

Flashlight - Tubular metal container kept in flight bag for storing dead batteries.

Flight Instructor - Individual of dubious reputation, paid vast sums of Money to impart knowledge of questionable value and cast serious doubt on the coordination, intelligence, and ancestry of student pilots.

Flight Plan - Scheme to get away from home to go flying.

Glide Distance-Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field

Glider - Formerly "airplane," prior to running out of fuel.

Gross WeightMaximum permissible takeoff weight plus two suitcases, 10 cans of oil, four sleeping bags, four rifles, eight cases of beer, and the groceries.

Hangar - Home for anything that flies, mostly birds.

Jet-assisted Takeoff - A rapid-takeoff procedure used by a general aviation pilot who suddenly finds himself taking off on a runway directly in front of a departing 747.

Log - A small rectangular notebook used by pilots to record lies.

Navigation - The process by which a pilot finds his way from point A to point B while actually trying to get to point C.

Occupied - An airline term for lavatory.

Pilot - A poor, misguided soul who talks about women when he's flying and flying when he's with a woman.

Radar - An extremely realistic type of video game, often found at airports. Players try to send small game-pieces, called "blips," from one side of the screen to the other without colliding with each other. Player with the fewest collisions wins.

Range - Usually about 30 miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks fill with air

Roger – 1. The most popular name in radio
.2. Used when you're not sure what else to say.

Roll - The first design priority for a fully loaded KC-135A

S-turn - Course flown by student pilot from point A to point B.

Short-field Takeoff - A takeoff from any field less than 10,000 feet long.

Trim Tab -A device that can fly an airplane better than the pilot.

Turn & Bank Indicator - An instrument highly ignored by pilots.

Wilco - Roger's brother, the nerd