Creative Writers Wanted:

the TSX requires the services of creative writers to join a team requiring reinforcement. Initial Assignment will focus on writing a disclaimer to be attached to a major news release by Winfield Resources. Experience in writing lengthy pieces of fiction with no relationship to reality and a very negative tone is an absolute must. Work to start immediately and to take as long as possible. Working slowly will not be considered a detriment.

Future assignments are expected to include additional similar work as well as the creation of highly imaginative pieces to be provided to spokespeople called on to answer specific allegations of discriminatory treatment of said company as part of a multi-million dollar lawsuit.

This position should be considered by individuals looking for a long-term engagement with subsequent employment in a number of areas. Those having worked on this team have gone on to find employment working as speech writers for discredited politicians, authors of romance novels, and investment columnists for the Vancouver Sun.

Apply to the TSX including a portfolio of written work and the names of at least three disreputable references.