> These terms have been updated to fit today's times: > > CEO - chief embezzlement officer. > > CFO - corporate fraud officer. > > BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake > himself for a financial genius. > > BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the > wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. > > VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower. > > P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market > keeps crashing. > > BROKER - What my broker has made me. > > STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell. > > STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock. > > STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally > between themselves. > > MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks. > > CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the > toilet. > > INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a > nuthouse. > > MOMENTUM INVESTING - The fine art of buying high and selling low. > > VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower. > > 'BUY, BUY' - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step > off the plane. > > FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs > to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. > > CALL OPTION - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient > times before e-mail. > > YAHOO - What you yell after selling all you owned to so me poor sucker for > $240 per share. > > WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo > for $240 per share. > > PROFIT - Religious guy who talks to God. > > BILL GATES - Where God goes for a loan. > > ALAN GREENSPAN - God ( past tense ).