As A Democrat
I Would Believe That....

The AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

Trial lawyers are selfless heroes and that doctors are overpaid.


Global temperatures are affected more by a suburban soccer mom driving an SUV than by documented, cyclical variations in the brightness and intensity of the sun.


Guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear, chemical and biological weapons in the hands of Saddam Hussein.


Businesses create oppression and government creates prosperity.


Self-esteem is more important than doing anything to earn it. OH, No!!


I'll never forget that horrible evening I took my grandmother to the emergency room.

After an hour of my pacing, the doctor said, "Sir, your grandmother is on an artificial life support system. Although her brain is dead, her heart is still beating."

I said, "Oh my God, we've never had a Democrat in the family before."





There was no art before federal funding.


The NRA is a bad organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution, but the ACLU is a good organization because it stands up for certain parts of the Constitution.


Taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.


Standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas are not.


That Catholic priests are dangerous but homosexual Boy Scout leaders are OK.


National wealth is determined by what we consume, not by what we produce.


The only wars in which America should become involved are those in which our national security is not at risk.


Perjury and obstruction of justice are impeachable if a Republican president commits them but a harmless, private matter if a Democrat president commits them.


America can have a strong military without spending money on it.


The way to improve public school is to give more money and power to the very people who have misused that power and money to destroy the public schools.


Hunters and fishermen do not care about the environment but pasty-faced activists that rarely venture out-of-doors do.


A bureaucrat living in Washington, D.C. can make better decisions about how to spend the money than you can, since you earned it and it is yours.


Being a movie or television star qualifies you to speak out on public policy.


Hillary Clinton is a wonderful example for young women of feminine independence even though she has never accomplished anything worthwhile without riding on the coattails of her husband.


A handful of religious whackos living in rural Texas are more of a threat to public safety than Islamic terrorists who wish to plant bombs in major American cities.


Passing new laws are a much better way to curb crime than enforcing the existing ones.


Tax cuts are for people who don't actually pay income taxes.


You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.


You have to believe that guns, in the hands of law abiding Americans, are more of a threat than US nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.


You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by yuppies driving SUV's.


You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.


You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.


You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists from Seattle do.