Apple's Good for Nothing iPad

by John C. Dvorak

Apple's iPad—what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Say it again. Actually, those are the lyrics to the song "War," but they also apply to the iPad, methinks. I'll tell you why.

First off, it's really just a gigantic iPod touch. It's good for all of the things you can already do on the touch, like listen to music, look at pictures, and run a few, weird iPhone apps. The flashlight app should be really entertaining on the iPad, right?

According to various apologists, this tablet is the perfect device for watching movies and reading books, magazines, and newspapers. You know, the kind of stuff that other tablets have been doing all along.

I was hoping that some new paradigm would arise, so this device doesn't become yet another flop (albeit a pretty flop). But it's not much prettier, and I cannot see it escaping the tablet computer dead zone any time soon. It's a black hole that was created 20 years ago with machines like the Momenta. It was reignited by Bill Gates some years back, when he predicted that these things would rule the roost by 2003, or some such thing.

Everyone thought that Apple's entry would be able to turn around this nearly non-existent space. After all, the company revolutionized the MP3 player and smartphone markets, so why not the tablet?

The fact is the space was created long before the invention of the smartphone and MP3 player. The idea can be traced back to Alan Kay's Dynabook concept in the 1970s. Unlike other duds, the tablet computer has been tried over and over again. And let us not forget that Apple itself tried it before with the ill-fated Newton. Let's face it, the idea just isn't flying. The most successful pad thus far is actually the brain-dead Kindle. But it's not a tablet computer—it's an e-book reader.

What did we all expect Steve Jobs to deliver with the iPad? It seems like everyone had their own idea for the device. And now everyone has their own gripe about the thing, including the lack of a camera, the inability to multitask, and the absence of a stylus for drawing and note taking. It seems like not even Steve Jobs could make everyone want a tablet. I can take or leave the thing. If it were $95, I'd buy one. That's not going to happen.

So, what happens now? Well, first people are going to wait and see if the thing sells at all. They will analyze and re-analyze the market, attempting to understand what went right or wrong. If things trend toward wrong, then we'll all have to suffer through endless articles with titles like "Has Steve Jobs Lost His Touch" and "Can Apple Innovate Anymore?" Then the agony begins, as Apple is subject to extreme scrutiny. To avoid this whole scene, I would like to see the iPad become a maxi success.

But I'm doubting this outcome.

The question now is, "what can be done to fix the iPad?" I'm jumping the gun here to make a few suggestions. Here goes:

1. Put a camera and a real phone on the thing. It would be a great teleconferencing
machine.

2. Make it multi-task. Cripes, why is this so hard?

3. Add a stylus so people can draw and take notes on the thing. This is actually the strength of tablets. Why was this ignored?

4. Make it cheaper (yeah, right).

5. Give it a handle. Why not?

6. Do something magical. What? I don't know…

Maybe you guys have some terrific suggestions. Write them up in the comments!

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