Here’s a tool guide refresher – just in time for the holidays ... 

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays isused as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far fromthe object we are trying to hit.

 SOLDERING IRON: Used to solder and unsolder electrical components. Mostdon't get hot; others get so hot that circuit board traces getevaporated, transistors burn off, resistors change colors, capacitorssweat, fuses open, molten solder finds its way into the carpet, and manyother uses. Unstable people hold the handle in their mouth. Most usersblame the soldering iron for poor soldering practices.

 MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents ofcardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly wellon boxes containing seats and leather jackets. 

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets intheir holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drillingmounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to therear wheel. 

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. 

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija boardprinciple. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictablemotion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the moredismal your future becomes.

 VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available,they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm ofyour hand. 

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammableobjects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the greaseinside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of. 

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars andmotorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

 DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flatmetal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest andflings your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshlypainted part you were drying. 

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhereunder the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprintwhorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you tosay, "Ouch....

" HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a vehicle to the ground afteryou have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jackhandle firmly under the fender.

 EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a vehicle upwardoff a hydraulic jack. 

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.

 PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulicfloor jack.

 SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool forspreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot. 

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes andis ten times harder than any known drill bit. 

TIMING LIGHT: A stroboscopic instrument for illuminating grease buildup.

 TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensilestrength of ground straps and brake lines you may have forgotten todisconnect. 

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying toolthat inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the endwithout the handle. 

BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acidfrom a car battery to the inside of your toolbox after determining thatyour battery is dead as a doornail, just as you thought.

 AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. 

TROUBLE LIGHT: The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a droplight, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," whichis not otherwise found under vehicles at night. Health benefits aside,its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the samerate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first fewhours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its nameis somewhat misleading. 

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-stylepaper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used,as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads. Most can stripoff the screws on a car in a heartbeat, especially if the owner iswatching. 

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burningpower plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air thattravels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rustybolts last tightened 60 years ago by someone in Springfield, and roundsthem off. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip orbracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

 HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

 EXACTO KNIFE: A surgically sharpened knife cartridge blade, that is nevertight enough inside the handle. Its aircraft precession surgical sharpenedcartridge blade will be amazingly sharp when you don't want it to be,and incredible dull when you need sharp. If you have an Exacto Knife, youalso have a band aid box nearby.