Feds Announce Plan To Inject $300 Million Into Beanie Babies Market
With prices of TY's Beanie Babies trading well off the highs they reached toward the end of the last millennium, Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson announced that the administration will inject $300 million into the market with open-market purchases on eBay, and at flea markets, garage sales and thrift shops.

In a statement, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke told reporters that officials "recognize and acknowledge that the immediate cost to taxpayers is substantial, but we believe that this is a necessary move to shore up confidence in the secondary market for plush animals, and going forward, anticipate that this measure will deliver long-term value to taxpayers as the market bounces back."

In anticipation of the announcement, Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack has been buying up depressed stuffed animals including Seaweed the Seal, Peanut the Royal Blue Elephant, Harry the Hampster and Runner the Mongoose. He told analysts on a conference call that as the federal cash infusion shores up the market, the bank will be able to report mark to market gains that will improve its capital position and reduce the need for further dilution of shareholders.

In a related story, some mutual funds are calling on the government to impose strict penalties on schoolyard bullies who make fun of kids for playing Pokemon cards, suggesting that the taunting adds fuel to an already volatile market.

Full Disclosure: Nothing in this post is true.