>
>
>
> ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
>
> Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
> Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.. A guy who purchased
his
> lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
> interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
> little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
> WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
home..
> I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing!
> I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and
> pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc
of
> electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
>
> AWESOME!!!
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the
> face of her microwave.
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I
> sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
soul)
> while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to
try
> this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought
> about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of
it.
> She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife
> to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it
would
> work as advertised. Am I wrong?
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses
> perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
> tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
> and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
> muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
would
> purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water.
> Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with
two
> itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What
> happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side
> as to say, 'don't do it dumbass,' reasoning that a one second burst from
> such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
> myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
> naked thigh, pushed the button, and .. .
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
> in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
and
> over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
> with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
> position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had
> never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the
fireplace,
> obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
> over the living room.
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note
> of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap
> yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
your
> hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst
would
> be considered conservative?
>
> IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that
> point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
> the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
fireplace.
> The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally
> was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My
face
> felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
> lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself,
but
> was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a
faint
> smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still
> looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
> return!
>
>
>
>
>
> P.s... My wife, who can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the
gift,
> and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is
> difficult, try being stupid !!!